Star wars ( Humor )

EMBARRASSING THINGS THAT MIGHT HAPPEN TO YOU WHILE USING A LIGHTSABER.


1. You turn it on while holding it backwards.

2. You make that sharp crackling noise with your mouth each time you clash it with your opponent's lightsaber—having forgotten that the noise happens naturally.

3. You've given in to the Dark Side of the Force, so the beam is normally red. But you forget to replace the weak batteries in the thing, rendering it pink, and turning you into the laughingstock of the Empire.

4. You try to use it to cut your birthday cake, expecting the lightsaber to slice through the pastry as easily as it did Luke's hand. Instead, the cake vaporizes the instant the lightsaber touches it, à la Obi-Wan.

5. You mistake it for a Popsicle.

Bumper stickers in the Star Wars Universe

My Jedi brat can beat up your honors student

I survived the Battle of Endor

Palpatine, save me from your followers

My other starship is an SSD

Visit Scenic Beggars Canyon

Jedi Master on board -- please fly carefully

Support your local stormtrooper -- buy Imperial

Poodoo happens...

"My other vehicle is an AT-AT"

"Palpatine/Vader in 2000 (Like you have a choice)"

"If you don't like the way I fly, stay out of the asteroid field"

"The only way they'll get my Standard-Imperial Blaster Rifle is if they pry it from my cold, dead hands"

"I brake for Wookies (But not for Ewoks)"

"Don't follow me - my hyperdrive is disabled"

Graduate of the Han Solo School of Asteroid Belt Navigation

Graduate of the Darth Vader School of Personnel Management

Yoda School of Sentence Structure Graduate, I Am!

Baby Ewok on Board

Jedi Academy Honor Student on Board

Don't Like the Way I Drive? Call 1-800-FLY-CASUAL

My Other Car is an Incom T-16

Member of Stormtroopers Local 1138

Mon Mothma for Emperor!

Things Luke Skywalker Did Between Episode V and VI

1. Spent a lot of time in the gymnastics facilities working on those AMAZING back flips, etc...

2. Played "Itsy Bitsy Spider" trying to get his fingers to work again

3. One word: Whined

4. Spent days, and days, and days trying to figure out why his mom married a walking toaster.

5. Played "Ding, Dong, Ditch" with doorways on board the Medical Frigate to practice his Force skills until they kicked him out.

6. Learned to shoot baskets again.

Minnesota Airlines

Lutran airline

YA SHURE, YA BETCHA! DIS IS DA LATEST AIR SERVICE TO SPROUT UP IN MINNYSOTA. ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORT AND SOUT DAKOTA.

If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran (Lutheran) Air, da no-frills airline. You're all in da same boat on Lutran Air, where flyin is an upliftin experience

Dere is no first class on any Lutran Air flight.

Meals are potluck. Rows 1 - 6, bring rolls; rows 7 - 15, bring a salad; rows 16 - 21, a hot dish,
and rows 22 - 30, a dessert. Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by freewill offering and da plane will not land 'til da budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who will acquaint you wit da safety system aboard dis Lutran Air 599.

Okay den, listen up. I'm only gonna say dis vonce. In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly gonna be real surprised and so will Captain Olsen, because we fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn't bodar with doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes.

You're gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat. Just stuff doze back up in dair little holes. Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence, which, to be honest wit ya, we're gonna have quite a bit of at two tousand feet.......sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a while ya get used to it.

In da event of a water landing, I'd say, "Forget it". Start saying da Lord's Prayer and just hope ya get to da part about "forgive us for our sins as we forgive doze who sin against us", which some people say, "trespass against us", which isn't right, but what can ya do?

Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because day may confuse da plane's navigation system, which is seat of da pants all the way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God meant ya to use a cell phone, He would have put your mout on da side of your head.



We start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style with da coffee pot up front.

Den we'll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pocket in front of you. Don't take yours wit ya when you go or I am gonna be real upset and I am not kiddin!

Right now I'll say Grace.
"Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze gifts to us be blessed. Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost, may we land in Dulut or pretty damn close. Amen!